Manifesto #3: Dear Sister by Taylor Leigh Smith

Dear Sister,
Are you alive?
I’m not sure I am.
I have stared at this blank page for hours, no maybe days or weeks.
Time is lost to me,
only the ebb and flow of light and shadows remind me that the clock chases me, forcing me to not just say something, but to spit it out.
To say it before the words are gone, hell, to say it before they come.
Though it scares me
Time grounds me, fills me, overwhelms me, with intention. Our Sister, Mother, Daughter Zora told us not too long ago, “If you are silent about your pain,
They’ll kill you
And say you enjoyed it”
But, what do I do if it feels like I’m killing myself, surrendering without a fight It wasn’t too long ago that the visceral stress made my mouth water
my tongue stretched erect towards the roof of my mouth
and my body ran hot.
Sister, then you came through and swung the pendulum. You brought me release.
You made me exhale.
You made me breathe.
Sister, Mother, Daughter Audre likened us to roaches Our refusal, our determination indestructible
But roaches won’t work for me
Like Bebe’s Kids we don’t die, we multiply Multiplying so fast, I’m overwhelmed
Multiplying so fast, I’m exhausted
Overwhelmed by your care
Exhausted by the rays of your light Overwhelmed by my love for you
Exhausted by the worry, that I’m not enough
My hands empty in the presence of your full ones
Empty, but diligent
Strong to clear confusion and carry doubt Nimble to plant our wisdom with precision Free to wipe the tears that waters our soil
Sister? Are you listening? We gotta live
We’re gonna live